***Warning***I was nervous to hit the publish button! This blog post is going to be personal. If you're only here to read about DIY and decorating, you can just skip along to the previous posts. No hurt feelings, I promise.
I have something I have to get off my chest: WEIGHT...about 30 pounds (give or take a few).
Writing this post and "putting this out there" has been on my heart for a while now. So what made this random Wednesday night the right time? I saw a picture on our HR intranet yesterday and it's been haunting me, reminding me that I don't feel good about myself right now, serving as a reminder of my weight fluctuations.
It's been up and down my entire life. Right now it's up. Up to a point where I don't feel healthy. I don't feel like my outside is representing my inside. I feel like "that really sweet girl who has cute clothes but is a little heavy."
I realize that this is a very personal subject but this is me keeping it real. It's out there now...so I may as well give you some perspective.
Here's the smallest I can ever remember being in my adult life. Confession: I did this in a very unhealthy way. Weight loss pills. THAT is NOT real life. I will never do that again no matter how much weight I lost or what size those jeans were.
|During a band gig in roughly 2007. I still have those jeans...in hopes of fitting into them again someday.|
Then I found happiness with Brent and we bonded over food. We went on fabulous dates out to lovely restaurants. And I ended up looking like this up until we got engaged.
|During a Thanksgiving celebration at work. THIS was the photo that started this post...|
|Look at my beautiful mom! I show this pic to illustrate how round my face looks when I am heavier than I want to be.|
Our engagement was motivation to get my body in a place where I felt confident. I turned back to Weight Watchers and I had success--just like I had when I needed to lose some weight after college. The program works if you work it. And I had an AMAZING meeting leader...I keep up with her to this day and she's an inspiration to me.
|I remember setting a weight goal. I hit it the morning of this engagement photoshoot. I felt pretty good about the photos.|
At the time of our wedding and afterwards I felt great! We were active and busy and were trying to buy a new house so we were saving money instead of eating out.
|At the wedding I felt confident and sexy. (As shown in my awesome dance moves here)|
|The honeymoon was great...I wasn't worried about what clothes to wear or how I looked. It was liberating to feel that good about myself.|
|At a friend's wedding, I remember slipping on that shirt and skirt and thinking "YES these fit!"|
|Yes, those are Biggest Loser contestants. I was working at a nutrition conference...feeling like I represented the "health" I was talking to attendees about. Now I feel like a bit of a hypocrite. :(|
|On a fall vacation in Indiana with Brent's parents. Those jeans are at least two sizes too small right now.|
At this point in my life, I need a change. I love our marriage and our sweet dog. I have an amazing career. I love my co-workers and the FUN work we get to do. I love my new house. I think that's the problem. I'm really happy and content with where I am in life...and we saw above what happens when I get happy....I eat.
I've honestly avoided having pictures taken lately. If I do, I crop them. I feel tired a lot. I try to find clothes that camouflage my muffin top, bra bulge and all sorts of other unsightly bumps. I cringe when I put on my winter jackets and they feel tight across my shoulders and bust. Coats, people. You know you've put on weight when your coat size, or worse yet, your underwear don't fit right.
|This was taken at an event we hosted for work. (I cringe). But I'm standing there with a blogger who has been a big motivation for me to do this. Biz at MyBizzyKitchen.com keeps it real and makes it happen. SHE is motivation!|
So it's time for a lifestyle change. I have tried the "all in" method. They work, but I boomerang back. I give in to one slip up and it's all over. So I'm starting small and I'll work my way up. AND I made a deal with myself: NO SCALES.
I'll take my measurements tomorrow. I'll take them again in two weeks. And I'm writing down everything I eat. Normally I'd go right to calorie counting or point counting. Nope, I'm literally just going to write down what goes in my mouth. I know that will be a big wake up call.
I will eat real foods. No supplements. No bars or shakes. No entire food groups eliminated. Practice what we preach--balanced diet with physical activity. This is real life. This is how I'm going to get back to the outside reflecting the me I feel like on the inside.
So there it is. If you made it all the way to this sentence...bless you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for listening. I commit to making a change. I commit to updating you on my journey. If I can inspire or help just one person, it will make it all worthwhile.